Catch and Release

There was high drama at the Housewife household yesterday afternoon. The Single Gal can agree because she was on the phone with me during my time of need when it happened. First, let me introduce you to my new friend whose been hanging around my front porch.

I mean, it's not exactly the same one that is hanging around my porch but close enough. My guy is less scale-y and a dark grey black color, but potato pahtato. It's still a creepy amphibian. 

In the middle of having a phone call with the Single Gal I went to check my mail and I picked up a towel that had been laying on my front porch to bring inside. I get inside and shake the towel and hear a "thump." I looked down and guess who fell onto my foyer floor????? The mother freaking lizard. Ugh, you have got to be kidding me. Luckily, #1 was away spending time with a grandparent and not expected home in the immediate future. Great. The lizard has now scurried under my dining room table. So we start to size each other up. He tried to crawl up the chair legs and that's not working out. I'm freaking out on the phone with the Single Gal asking her what the hell I'm supposed to do. asldkfaitjhfglksjgalkfdjlksjf!!! 

So we decide I should get a bowl to trap the lizard under until possibly Turtle comes home and can get rid of my unwanted house guest. Seems reasonable. I do panic and tell the Single Gal, "I have to go. I mean, I just have to go." Then I hang up on her. I get my bowl and the little guy moves to the other side of the table and I'm praying to Little Baby Jesus that he does not go under my ninety thousand pound buffet with a hutch on top of it. I'm feeling bad that if I throw this ceramic bowl on top of him that I will inadvertently amputate one of his four tiny legs. I know that their tails are supposed to grow back but I don't remember anything specifically about their arms and legs/hands/feet growing back. Big Sigh. 

Then he decides to climb into one of my small plants because he's a genius lizard king. He starts climbing up one of the leaves and that's when I make my move. Bam. Bowl over the plant. I carefully scoot the plant over to the door while maintaining pressure over the bowl to avoid any criminal escape plots from the lizard king and manage to get the plant onto to front porch and take the bowl off. Whew. I cannot even imagine the chaos if #1 was home. 

I explain my feat to Turtle last night. He said, "So what the lizard alright?" I said, "Yes, we run a catch and release program here."