Real Talk

I'm instituting a "Real Talk" edition of the blog this week.  I am so sad to report I am still tired and exhausted and feeling like crap.  I ran home yesterday to walk the dog for about half an hour and then promptly came in a baked for the rest of the night {and cleaned all the dishes and the kitchen all over again} because we had our work Thanksgiving party today.  

I'd like someone to please explain to my why I felt like I had to bake a breakfast item and a loaf of pumpkin bread for dessert in order to feel like I "fully" participated or did my part.  Because most of the time I roll into the break room to find two store bought pies and 2 store bought cakes or cupcake trays from other people that just snapped something up at the store.  Seriously, why?!

My friend Mary at work says I've been "kevetching" all week {am I spelling that remotely right? anyone?}. This is apparently a Jewish term for complaining  but more like someone is complaining on steroids.  I felt badly about that.  I've had a really hard file to deal with over the last month with 4 different people and they are bound and determined to drive me bat shit crazy.  I can't tell you how many voicemails I have deleted with vulgar language in the last 7 days.  I want to yell at them and get fired.  Seriously.  I've been driven to sitting in the tub and drinking wine at night this week just to try to relax.  

Also...3 Putt texted me today. The nerve.  I've essentially un-facebooked, un-followed, and un-everything any social media or anything in my life to do with him but I guess he hasn't done the same.  Lamenting about having to probably board my sweet Hogan while I am in NYC I in turn get a text message that he "would be happy to watch Hogan".   If only you people could see me hooked up to a machine and watch the spike in my blood pressure to even see his name on my phone screen {even after all this time}.   Of course he would be happy to -- except, I'm not in the business of making sure he is happy anymore.  These messages also have that terrible effect of great sadness on me.   Because I literally have nightmares about him. Terrifying ones. All the time.  And I want to know when I will go through a day or even two without thinking about him.  

I know I have lots of fun stuff going on and lots of awesome stuff to look forward to but I am stumped this week.  Maybe it's because next week is Thanksgiving and it's sort of like a non-ghost tour Christmas Carol-esque wake up call for me and I'll see the light by Monday. I've been trying to get "real" about my budget and save for NYC.  I even instituted a Starbucks and FroYo restriction.  I know that drinking the shit coffee they so kindly give us at work every freaking day will be totally worth it, but again -- it's been hard to see the light this week.   But that's real life.  It's not all rainbows and nice customers at work.  You will constantly encounter people that can't understand that you need space. The kind of space that is necessary for your survival.  I need to be real about my commitment level and learn to say "no" more.   

What are you getting real about this week? 

Love you. Mean it. 

~the single gal~