ER Date Nights and the Like

It's really all about two weeks of chaos. As the Single Gal informed you I had to vacate my house for over a week for the installation of some new hardwood floors and refinishing of the new and old floors. It felt like it took a month. They started the Wednesday before Easter. We moved in with my in-laws for the time period which didn't end up being so bad because they were out of town Thursday through Sunday of Easter Weekend.

Maybe I should just start with Good Friday. I guess I was just having a tough day. I hit the gym that morning and ran some errands, took care of #1 of course. By the time Turtle got home I was pretty tired but I had just found out I wasn't going to be able to get back into my house before I left for Charleston and needed more clothes, etc. So Turtle came home Friday night and we ran to the house and came back. We put the little monster to bed and as Turtle was cooking dinner on the island cook top I went to get into a bar stool which happened to be a little too close to the iron pedestal which holds up an additional granite bar for seating. I hit my knee really hard on the iron part and tried to tell Turtle I felt like I was going to pass out. Well, the next thing I knew I woke up on the floor. At first I thought I had just been really tired and fell asleep but then I remembered I was sitting in the chair. So I sat up and yelled for Turtle because he wasn't there when I came to (he had run to get the phone as he said I was not responding to him) and realized quickly my nose/face was bleeding everywhere. Great. He came back and made me lay down and called 911. Because when your parents and you have little people in bed you no longer have the ability to just go ahead and take yourself quickly. He also called the Single Gal to freak her out and ask her to get herself over to his in-laws to watch after #1. To make a long story short the paramedics deemed my vitals well enough to have Turtle take me to the ER. As a former auto claims adjuster an ambulance ride just equals a bill I don't want to pay. The ER wait was long because we stupidly went to the trauma center location near us. But finally the doctor was able to come back in and put some Dermabond glue on this nasty cut across the bridge of my nose. If I had thought enough for Turtle to take my picture I would post it but I forgot to ask. Ridiculous. My nose is not broken but was swollen and bruised for a few days.

Then I left the following Thursday with the Single Gal for bachelorette shenanigans. Unfortunately while we were at the in-laws they were having a visit from my 4 year old niece. She tends to suffer from "allergies." I put this in quotations because apparently this time it was a virus and not allergies as my in-laws have gotten sick and guess who else got sick? #1. So we had to go to the doctor yesterday for a $55 inhaler/aerochamber breathing device to help her lungs. You know what they don't tell you? They don't tell you that shit makes them not want to sleep and very jittery. So after day four of no nap yesterday I felt sure I could dose her up and have her in bed by 6:30 and dead to the world. No. Not even close. After many times of going in to check on her, then she kept telling us she wanted to "eat" so we fed her, put her back to bed and let her cry a bit which resulted in vomit all over the crib and #1. So sheet change, bath and pajamas we put her back to bed. She threw up again. She seems to be better this morning and finally fell asleep at 11 last night. Only for me to have to go back in at 3 am for a severe coughing fit which cons me into giving her the inhaler medicine again because I'm afraid her lungs will burst and she will die. And then I can't sleep for another hour and a half.

So as the Single Gal holds a knife to my throat to make me blog that is where I have been. It's just been one thing after another and lots of not sleeping between fun girls weekends and sick babies. This episode makes me want to kick modern medicine to the curb and just take my baby to a Chinese medicine man for healing. There's got to be a better way. Sigh. However, I would not leave the hospital without them either stitching or gluing my nose even though Turtle was fed up with the crazy wait time and one super bitchy nurse. It's my face though. If it was my arm I would have told him to put some gauze and tape on it and we'll figure it out later. I had such a good nose too. Now I'm afraid even though it's not broken it will never be the same.

Are y'all having any serious first world problems like myself lately? I hope not. I'm ready for my normal again.

Remodeling Woes

Remember when I talked about my living room here? The Turtle and I tackled getting all the toys moved upstairs into out bonus room along with storage for those said toys, a TV, TV stand and a new Ektorp Sofa. I have been in heaven. #1 loves to go "upstairs" and it's working out just as I dreamed it would. Turtle had some trying trips to the IKEA store but he survived and he's a better man for it. Actually, all THREE of us managed a pleasant trip the second time and on a Saturday no less. Not super parents, more like "thankyoutheyhaveafoodcourt."

Here's where you ask, well Housewife, what is going on in your living room? Right now we are truly living a bohemian lifestyle.....it may not even qualify as bohemian at this point either. We had some decent furniture and we tried to move some of it on craigslist with no dice. Power tools and bookshelves were where it was at with selling our junk. So I called a local charity organization who took large items and they would send a truck and movers as long as everything was on the first floor. Perfect. The contact guy called me and I offered to send some pictures via email and he called a few hours later and wanted to pick everything up the next day. I even got the guys to move our heavy ass old TV into the back of my Jeep so I could drive it up to Goodwill. Just like that, there is nothing left in the living room.

We are having hardwood floors installed in about two weeks and they dropped off the wood today so it could acclimate. We've been in the Lazyboy store working with their designer for a sectional and an ottoman. I've called an electrician so I can have an outlet installed in the floor. We also have to find a place to live for the 5-6 days they are working on the floors. (Umm....hint, hint Single Gal?) We have existing hardwoods on most of the main floor except the living room and hallway to the other rooms. They will have to lace in new floors to the existing and sand and re-finish all of them.

These are not really "woes." We are savers and have had in-expensive items in the living room for a long time and we have finally decided it's time to update some things. The floors just seemed like a no-brainer since I could have most of the bottom floor empty before the new furniture arrives and the floors will add value to the house (even though that statement is a complete joke with the housing market right now but it will be worth it down the road).  I just hope we don't end up like this.....

Don't worry! I'll be posting the good, the bad and the ugly from start to finish. I even have a picture with all the kid crap in there. Just insert embarrassing and more embarrassing. 

The Housewife 

I ain't afraid of no ghost.

Halloween will be here Monday. I'm glad it will be over on Tuesday. Then we can begin to celebrate fun and beautiful Holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's not that I'm anti-Halloween...I'm just indifferent about it.  I'm pretty sure traffic on the night of Halloween is some of the worst throughout the entire year. AND let's not talk about scary movies.  The Turtle loves scary movies. The Housewife does not. Paranormal 3? Para- no-thank-you! I don't even like to hear the scary theme music while I'm locked away in the bedroom with a happy chick flick on. Something like You've Got Mail or When Harry Met Sally. Don't pretend you don't love a good Meg Ryan flick. 

 No trick or treating for us this year. Not because we don't believe in it but because I'm not buying a $20 or $30 costume to be worn for maybe 20 minutes. Plus, we don't live in a neighborhood and no one trick-or-treats on our street. We'll do it next year when #1 might understand and be excited about it. There goes parent of the year awards. The secret is out. #1 hits the sack at 7 p.m. anyway. 

Eating a sweet gum ball. Yummy.

Hope everyone enjoys their weekend! Here is a Pumpkin Patch picture of #1. It was very hard to get her face because she looks at the ground most of the time and tries to eat leaves, bark and the like. Sigh. That was much more interesting than the silly orange things laying around in her way. We don't have a fancy DSLR camera which is practically a parental requirement these days. (This post is just full of parental fails.) So we maintain our slow shutter speed and *might* get a picture where she is looking at us.

I do have an old dog Spiderman Halloween costume  that I dug out for Hogan. BUT.....like everything else in this house it has now disappeared. You hear me, Turtle? I'm talking to you. I know you did something with it because I left it on the dinning room table and it has vanished. Please return it.

The Housewife

Who Let the Dog Out?

Me. I let the dog out. My worst nightmares coming true!!!!!! But before I tell you that story I should start at the beginning. The Single Gal had to go to Savannah Saturday night for our friend Little A's engagement party after our morning run. So she entrusted the Housewife household with taking care of Hogan. Which was apparently a big mistake on her part. (Just kidding. We really are seasoned pet owners we are just out of practice since Bailey has passed on from this world. She was blind in her last few years so she never strayed far in the end and would not run away.)

We picked the H-Man up on Saturday and no worries. He's visited here before and #1 quickly began following him everywhere and doing her "woof woof" speak and pointing at him. She loves dogs. A lot. Thankfully Hogan tolerates her shenanigans very well and shares his toys with her. Sunday morning we wake up with relatively little drama from H-Man that night. We get everyone ready to head out of the door to church and we are loading #1 up in the car so I run back inside because I want to make sure I "doggy proofed" everything that Hogan might think is tasty or fun to tear up. So come in my laundry room from the garage and go move two things and head back out but I pause........WHERE IS THE DOG???

Panic, panic and more panic. I hit the laundry room and the damn door is OPEN!! Why????? Who left the friggin door open? (ME! Stupid Housewife.) Turtle is waiting in the car at the opposite side of the garage and I fly through the door and spy Hogan just past our other car at the top of the driveway. Major panic now. I can't breath. How could this be happening? For those of you who don't know Hogan is a runner should he be let off the lease or escape the clutches of your home. I'm thinking the Single Gal is going to spike my head on a pole for this. The Turtle is highly confused as he sees me bolt down the stairs  in my skirt and boots chasing and yelling for the dog very much like Julia Roberts in My Best Friends Wedding when she is running after Michael who is chasing after Kimmie. Oh the drama.

So the dog bolts. Turtle gets out of the car and I run in the get the collar and leash and he goes after the dog. I yell at him because I'm not seeing enough sense of urgency. And he tells me no wonder the dog kept running because I'm yelling like a lunatic and chasing after him. True, I think to myself. So he goes off and I get the car and do a round and luckily when I'm coming back down the road Turtle has at least gotten Hogan back up on our street even though he's still lose. I jumped out of the car and calmly and rationally got the dog. Thank you baby Jesus. Disaster averted. Then as Turtle and I drove to church we debated the pros and cons of telling the Single Gal.

The Housewife aka Professional Dog Chaser

Happy Father's Day to our Sugar Daddy.

The Turtle is out stealing some formula one right now so I thought I would sneak a post in. Turtle isn't really stealing but we worked out such a super coupon deal at CVS in our evil lair this morning it's almost the equivalent. You know, stealing without the repercussions of jail time.

The Turtle is our sugar daddy since he lets me stay home with #1. We're both sacrificing and it's totally worth it to us. So Happy Day to the one who makes it all happen. I'm the Condoleeza Rice to his George Bush. Team work people. (Isn't that what they always tell you on every stupid and lame conference call you have to get on in the business world?)

And here's one more picture for you because there's one thousand million pictures of Turtle and #1 to my four.

Wordless Wednesday. Well somewhat wordless.

Just testing out adding some text to photos. You wouldn't think it was that hard but we won't discuss how long it took me to accomplish this today. But thank you InkScape and Google searches. 

Here's Turtle and #1 back in the early days.

Mrs. Bag Lady

How quickly things change and instead of a shack bag like the single gal, I have moved on to the diaper bag. This is a very important bag (as is the shack bag) and they have some surprisingly similar items. I'm great at packing a diaper bag.... the only problem is when I'm at home and need something I "occasionally" remove it from the diaper bag. (Lesson #243- don't remove stuff from the diaper bag because it won't be there next time you run out of the door.)

First up, a change of clothes. The "spare outfit." I actually encountered this today toting #1 into the gym with me, thinking we're all hot shit because she's so darn cute we're practically skipping down the hall to the locker room with glee. Then I discover she's clearly done her business in the car on the way over and it's there for the whole world to see because it's now all over her outfit- coming out of the sides and in the front. So much for trying to be Stepford.

I won't bore you with the standard necessities we all know you need; diapers, wipes, pacifier, Desitin, burp cloth/bib and toys. These are the equivalent of having to pack your makeup bag, blow dryer, lotion, shampoo/conditioner, and possibly a curling iron.

Size does matter. Do you know why? On top of having to make sure I'm out the door with #1's bag of McGuyver items, I also have to include things for the Turtle--namely snacks. The Turtle is strangely like the Hulk and turns into this ugly green monster once he's past a certain point and his "blood sugar is low." (I call BS on that one.) Nonetheless as the mother and wife I have to be prepared for Armageddon once we've left the safe confines of the household. I won't even get into the song-and-dance which involves finding the Turtle's wallet, sunglasses or car keys.

If you need me I'll be running around finding everything I took out of the diaper bag, Turtle's sunglasses, car keys and wallet. Good thing at least one of us puts everything in the same place. 

The Housewife

Hair,Tourniquets and Tears....oh my. I don't think were in Kansas anymore.

The Single Gal got me thinking with her comments about Tom Brady’s new do. I have realized over the last week that according to the state of my bathroom vanity and shower drain, I am currently losing hair faster than Chewbacca. For those of you who don’t know, pregnancy hair is glorious. It’s super thick and with a little argan hair oil it’s the closest you will ever get to movie star hair. Seriously. It’s that great.

Like any other normal person, of course I have to google “hair loss post pregnancy” to check out what’s going on. I mean, it’s a jungle in my bathroom right now after brushing, blow drying, and curling. My google search returned some interesting information. One article explained about the percentage of hair that is usually in a “resting” state on your head. (I want #1 to be in a resting state on a consistent basis—not my hair.) The hairs “rest” and then those are the hairs that fall out. You have less hair in a resting state when you are pregnant which is why it’s thicker.

I also discovered this gem during my research which I will share with you here courtesy of Babycenter.com:

A note to new moms with long hair: Strands of hair can end up tightly wrapped around your baby’s tiny appendages, including his fingers, toes, wrists, ankles, and penis. This is called a hair tourniquet, and it can be quite painful for your little one. If you find him crying for no apparent reason, check carefully for tight bands of hair.

I have long hair. So if you need me, the Turtle will be snaking our bathroom drain and I will be checking #1 for tourniquets when she is seemingly crying for no apparent reason. And as all new mothers know—babies.never.cry.for.no.apparent.reason. EVER.

 the housewife