Friday, May 22, 2015

My First World Problems

It's been such a long time since I have checked in here. I'm not exactly sure how to explain my missing self. Turtle and I have been, for lack of a better term, renovating our basement, among other life things one usually gets caught up in. I don't like the term "renovating" because to me that seems like we are ripping out everything and starting over which is SO not the case. Also, when I say "we" that means "we" are doing it. We did have to hire out the flooring because the area was large and probably not the best idea for beginners who don't really have the time to do it. (No. 1 just explained the keystroke noises are "annoying." How does she even know that word and what it means?) Just to re-cap we had two separate minor floods in the basement over the past 10 months and the basement was insanely ugly to begin with. Don't you love those forced home projects?

School has been out a little over a week which means I have entered potty training bootcamp with the twins, also known as hell. They are honestly not doing too badly with it besides the fact Turtle traumatized Hadley by having to clean her dirty diaper (which is what the bootcamp book "instructs" you to do) so she didn't poop for FOUR days. It was very pitiful and I had resolved to give her a diaper if that's what it took for her to poop but she eventually cried and went on the baby potty. We have broken barriers equivalent to taking down the Berlin Wall. It's just tough because I still feel that I cannot venture out for very long periods of time. Our yard seems to be breeding ground for poison ivy/oak this year and we are working on killing it but it's difficult to keep the kids out of it. Short of bringing one of my baby potties directly into the playground area because it seems frowned upon to leave a 2 year old and a 4 year old unattended while you take one to the bathroom, I'm not sure what to do. Getting one potty training child to the bathroom in time is a feat in itself, much less trying to corral the other two who do not have to go, to come with you. This also results in you having to tell the Comcast repair technician to wait on your porch for five minutes while you run around like a mad woman trying to locate clothes for your children.

I can definitively tell you we have poison ivy in the yard because I have contracted it. I can't tell you how, when or why but I have it. Now, I do not seem to get clusters of bumps that are very indicative of the rash. I thought I had some bug bits on my neck, but then they seemed to be spreading. I had to drag potty training toddlers to Urgent Care one morning where I was told I had a food allergy. I'm terribly freaked out and started to do a Whole 30 because I had no idea what was giving me a reaction. I had a dermatologist appointment the next day to remove some stitches in my back and decided to beg politely for a second opinion, where the news was delivered to me I do indeed have poison ivy. I paid a $50 urgent care co-pay for a quack doctor who cannot tell me I have poison ivy folks. Then I might have recalled being rubbed with a "tree star" that Harper found but I'm still not sure how I got the poison ivy. The stitches were from a mole removal that was biopsied and came back with abnormal cells that were not cancerous so they wanted to take out the margins. All clear now even though it's not healing well.

I will try to be back, though I'm sure the only one who has missed my presence is the Married Gal. I've had some technical frustrations from a very busted up iPad that doesn't blog well and a slow and old computer. Turtle has advised me to just use the Google Chrome and not go through Safari. This is just downright irritating to me as a woman though because Safari SHOULD work, am I right? I don't care if the Chrome works. I have an iMac. It should WORKKKKKKK!!!!

If you need me I'll be managing what is sort of a Blue Lagoon meets indoor plumbing, my island rash and my lack of being able to use modern medicine to heal a cut in my back. Party on Wayne.