Friday, February 25, 2011

Hair,Tourniquets and Tears....oh my. I don't think were in Kansas anymore.

The Single Gal got me thinking with her comments about Tom Brady’s new do. I have realized over the last week that according to the state of my bathroom vanity and shower drain, I am currently losing hair faster than Chewbacca. For those of you who don’t know, pregnancy hair is glorious. It’s super thick and with a little argan hair oil it’s the closest you will ever get to movie star hair. Seriously. It’s that great.
Like any other normal person, of course I have to google “hair loss post pregnancy” to check out what’s going on. I mean, it’s a jungle in my bathroom right now after brushing, blow drying, and curling. My google search returned some interesting information. One article explained about the percentage of hair that is usually in a “resting” state on your head. (I want #1 to be in a resting state on a consistent basis—not my hair.) The hairs “rest” and then those are the hairs that fall out. You have less hair in a resting state when you are pregnant which is why it’s thicker.
I also discovered this gem during my research which I will share with you here courtesy of
A note to new moms with long hair: Strands of hair can end up tightly wrapped around your baby’s tiny appendages, including his fingers, toes, wrists, ankles, and penis. This is called a hair tourniquet, and it can be quite painful for your little one. If you find him crying for no apparent reason, check carefully for tight bands of hair.
I have long hair. So if you need me, the Turtle will be snaking our bathroom drain and I will be checking #1 for tourniquets when she is seemingly crying for no apparent reason. And as all new mothers know— EVER.
 the housewife

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow...

Ya’ll! In honor of the Superbowl this month I wanted to address some general issues.
I have some deep concerns about Tom Brady’s new long 70’s man-do. I originally caught sight of something horrible and stringy hanging out of his football helmet on a MNF (Monday Night Football) broadcast.   Initial thoughts: “Gross.  What is that beautiful man-whore doing to himself?” I mean—he looks terrible. Is that Chewbacca? Or a man? 

I digress…
Come to find out Tom’s new hair-do is a legit convo topic among the masses! (Yay!) Who knew this shit was all over the New York Post weeks ago?  I was on the way to work and my favorite morning show crew (The Regular Guys—LOVE. THEM.) were discussing the very same thing—only they had more imperative info on the topic. Rumor has it that Tom is growing out his hair because his football helmet is rubbing a bald spot on the back of his head.  And I thought I had problems. 
This is what you get when you marry THE Gisele Bundchen. A complex.   
I had to send up a specific SAA prayer to my special confidant, Little Baby Jesus (also referred to as LBJ) at that very moment.  I really should be careful in my search for #1’s Uncle.  At the end of the day if it’s going to last you need laughter and good conversation more than anything.  So, LBJ, please sent me a tall, beautiful man (with no hair loss issues) who makes me laugh a lot and is really smart.  It’s hard to be a power couple but let’s face it—beauty fades and football helmets make bald spots. 
Love you. Mean it.
the single gal 

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

We're Like the Kardashians....only with less money and no Louboutins.

It pretty much happens everywhere we go…you will stare at us for a bit and then ask: “Are you twins?”
Yes, we are twins.
Yes, we know we look a lot alike.
Yes, we LOVE being twins. (It’s super fun and awesome!)
No, we don’t care if you call us by the wrong name. No need to be embarrassed or to apologize.
I will wrap up life for you in a nutshell (Is that one word? Two? Talk amongst yourselves.)
S is married with children (MWC) and I am single and alone (SAA). I am slowly grasping the fact that I am not S’s #1 anymore (S’s husband, Turtle, thinks we have been fighting a tie-break for the #1 position for 7 years at this point, but we all know who wins. S is just too politically correct to say it. And I get that because she lives with the Turtle, not me.). S and I used to spend every waking minute together—like the Kardashians. We have basically worked in the same office since 2007, live 15 minutes away from each other, are members of the same gym, etc. Nonetheless, the arrival of (the new) #1 has really put a damper on life (well, MY life) thus far and S has been married so long that I can’t get a lot of dating advice out of her because she has been out of The Game for nigh on a decade (Damn her for know exactly what she wants. All.The.Time.).
Consider this blog to be like Hannah Montana—the best of both worlds.
Love you. Mean it.
~the single gal~
The single gal is embellishing—except about me not being able to give sufficient dating advice to her. Now that I’m MWC I’ve decided to quit my glamorous (is it bad I just sang the Fergie song in my head to make sure I spelled that correctly?) job as an auto claims adjuster and stay home with #1. I’m still slowly navigating parenthood and I’m sure I will figure it out one day—like when #1 is 30 years old or something. But, just because I’m a housewife and have a child now does not mean I no longer remember to have fun, especially with the single gal. You better believe I got us tickets for the NKOTBSB concert in June for our fabulous 28th birthday celebration. The Turtle will be on single dad duty that night. What what?
The single gal and I really enjoy our crazy family even though they are just that- crazy with a capital C! The single gal and I love hanging out together and laugh when we watch people process us and then finally realize we’re probably twins. People still think twins are a complete freak of nature.
And, you know what? We really might be a freak of nature. But in a cool “Planet Earth”-HD kind of way.
~the housewife~
So…follow us, laugh with us, and feel free to share your comments. Seriously, our only hope is that we really are as funny as we think we are (and if you don’t think we are funny or you don’t like us, then you can keep that between yourself and Little Baby Jesus) and that we can one day have our own Louboutins like Kortney, Kim, and Khloe.