Wordless Wednesday. Well somewhat wordless.

Just testing out adding some text to photos. You wouldn't think it was that hard but we won't discuss how long it took me to accomplish this today. But thank you InkScape and Google searches. 

Here's Turtle and #1 back in the early days.

Indexing

I was recently discussing someone's relationship with my good friend SJA.  We've been friends for a while and we went to have fro-yo at lunch and catch up on gossip.  Like the white chicks that we are (SJA could seriously be a white chick solely based on his love of fro-yo) we were talking about a friend who has been dating a girl for a while now.  Long story short I had to break it to SJA that I felt like our friend had been indexed into the "Not Going to Marry" file by said girl.  Being the dude that he is, SJA didn't know that I was talking about.

What SJA didn't realize is that all SG's index every man they meet, hang out with, date, or fall in love with.  (We really are a very organized species).  Sometimes men can jump files or may be be filed into two folders simultaneously, but nonetheless, all men are indexed.

• The "Friend" file -- this file could hold lots of people.  Guys you really like and who are funny, but these are the ones that you are probably not attracted to at all.  Sometimes you might look at them wistfully and think to yourself, "I wish he were 6'2 and handsome. Then I could put him in a totally different mental folder."

• The "Never Going to Marry" file -- Oh this one probably holds lots of exes that you mistakenly put in another folder, but also holds some others.  Namely the guys you think are super fun, cute, and/or exciting but you also know it would never work.  You love going out with them, they are tons of fun, they take you on really fun dates.  But...maybe they don't have a great job or they just aren't really responsible enough to be considered the future father of your children.

• "Good on Paper" -- This is probably the worst of all.  The good on paper guys.  That guy that by all logical means should be The One.  Perfect for you in every way.  But no matter how hard you try you just don't love him.  And you try.  But. There. Is. Nothing. There.

• The "Only Good For One Thing" file -- Surely I don't need to elaborate on this one.  (This file can usually be put inside of the "Things/People that are Trouble" file. Or, "I Love You and Hate You At The Same Time".)

• And then, the ultimate folder.  "The One"/"I Want to Marry You" folder -- Clearly mine is seriously empty.  Unless you count the celebrities I have thrown in.  Namely Bradley Cooper and Bubba Watson who are the current front runners to date.  

Let's not forget that all SG's have their own special filing system and the labels might not be the same, but you get the idea.  And now I will consider my good deed for the day done since I have hopefully educated a small portion of the male population this fine evening in March. 

Love you. Mean it. 

~the single gal~

By Appointment Only

The Turtle and I have been working with a landscape company to have some work completed in the front yard. We almost have everything finalized for our deposit and getting on the books but also inquired about having a large pine tree taken down. Mr. Landscaper said he had a tree guy and would speak to him about coming by to give us a quote.

Let's rewind to 30 minutes ago. #1 is down for a nap and I'm in the middle of doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred DVD so I don't feel like a complete slob.......and the doorbell rings. My door is almost completely windows and looks directly into my living room. The living room where I happen to be jumping up and down like Jane Fonda leading an exercise video. I.am.mortified. At first I thought it was the UPS man leaving diapers or something on my door like usual. But I look out and the guy is still standing on my front porch. Fab.

So I run out and point the pine tree out to Clint (whom I called Cliff at first) and he says ok. I suppose on the bright side of things I was at least in workout gear with a supportive bra on. So thanks Landscape guy for the heads up that the Tree Guy was coming by..........TODAY. Even our parents don't do the drop in and we're related to them.

Love, the Housewife.

single gal benefits

Taking some "me" time tonight.  If you follow our Tumblr you know that I was having kind of a bad day yesterday (read: an effing freakout) over really small things.

But...tonight is utterly fabulous.  It's 7:30 and I am in bed with my MacBook Air, an In Style mag, and the current novel I am reading.  And I've been in bed since 7.  I'm really proud of myself for just leaving work and calling it a day even though everything wasn't done.

The thing I appreciate most today--the wonderful silence I come home to in the evening.  I am sure lots of single gals know exactly what I mean when I say this.

Now,  if only Piperlime would ship all that great stuff I ordered on Monday...don't they know I need to look my best now that I am back on the market?

~the single gal~

Elizabeth Taylor 1932-2011

She was so fantastically beautiful back in the day. Just flawless.

The Housewife

5 minutes of Fame

We're being featured on one of our fav blogs today. Check us out and Mark's wonderful blog while you're there.  http://whatwhitechickscherish.blogspot.com/

It's not you. It's me.

Don't take it personal. We've probably all said these words to someone in some form or another. Problem is we all take it personally, don't we? It is personal. It's just not personal to the other person. We all have feelings so it's not surprising we all feel some form of offense to these words.

We recently went to our church to have our family photo taken for the directory. Let's keep in mind the company doing the photographs is basically the company that does middle school yearbook pictures....not Ann Geddes. We had a nice photographer and we had developed a good 5 minute rapport with him. Then we get to the sales pitch as we are reviewing the photos and choosing the one for the directory. I'm really trying to be patient with this man even though I really needed to get #1 home and in bed. We are listening and I'm being somewhat complimentary about the photos he took which really highlighted the hideous monstrous bags under my eyes. So no, I will not be buying any of these. Especially to the tune of $90 for two 5x7's and some wallets. No one even carries pictures in a wallet anymore, we just whip out our smart phones or send an email (that someone checks on their smart phone).

We get to the uncomfortable part where he gives us the price and I look at the Turtle and he looks at me with those sweet Turtle eyes that say, "I hate this part. I hate this part. Please tell him no because I can't and we will spend $240 on the top package." I give the guy the news, keeping in mind his counterpart just got a $240 sale from a woman at the next table and he completely changes his attitude with us. WTH? The idea is to have a photo in the directory so people can place a name with a face at church. Not everyone is going to buy them.

Bottom line is we all take it personally. Whether it's someone commenting about #1 being 5 months old and still waking up in the middle of the night or about your hair. I've spoken to my pediatrician about this and he was not concerned at this time. She is on the small side of the weight charts and I will feed her if I feel that she is hungry. Thanks. And where is your MD from by the way? Every baby is not the same.

I'm getting better about these things. People love to give their opinions. It doesn't send me off the edge anymore but it does get me thinking. Maybe we should all learn to take things to heart a little less; but then again, it's not personal right? If you need me I'll be doing something else, it's not personal.

The Housewife

Dear Lily...

I want this dress so badly.....

It's so beautiful.


http://www.lillypulitzer.com/view-all/tiernan-dress-printed/invt/94297/&bklist=icat,4,shop,newarrivalshome,allnewarrivals

Too bad there are basically none left on the website.  I need something super fun and perfect for my vacation and maybe to double as THE dress for my cousin's wedding in July.  You never know when you will meet your future husband, right? Now, if I find said dress in my size I just have to find a spare $300 lying around to purchase said dress.

And so the daily struggles of the single gal continue....

You Can Have Me Cheap or You Can Have Me Pretty

The Housewife and I have been somewhat lazy this week.  However, we thought we would take some time this Sunday and share some of our favorite things that we think you should know about.  You know, a fun blog post.  Who doesn't love makeup and accessories? 

Let's start with some makeup must haves.  Fergie and Gaga don't lie.  MAC is where it's at for a lot of products you need to look your best.

Let's talk about Fluidline.  Frequently noted in the "Best of" In Style issue, The Housewife and I have been using this eyeliner since Christmas of 2008.  I can't live without it, although The Housewife is also a supporter of the MAC Powerpoint eye pencil in Permaplum. 

When we aren't at the MAC counter in Macy's you can most surely find us in the mecca for all beauty needs....Sephora (insert angels singing).  Like any good drag queen we can spend 30 minutes in here and spend well over $100 in the blink of an eye. 

Essentials: 

- Smashbox Photofinish Primer (Wear it. Love it.  Your makeup will stay on all day.)

- HD Make Up Forever Foundation -- necessity for all Housewives since it lasts forever. Hence, the name.  Um, hello--Kim Kardashian uses it.  Do you really need another endorsement? 

- NARS blush -- so worth the money because the pigment is so bright you only need to use a teeny bit.  We love this blush in Super Orgasm and Deep Throat.

-Dior Shimmer Powder.  Don't question.  Just get it.

  

-As far as eyeshadow goes, I had give MAC a black mark because they discontinued my color.  But a nice man in Sephora helped me find my way to Urban Decay and I am hooked.  The Housewife prefers Stilla and Benefit cream shadow in RSVP. 

(These products can all be found on the Sephora website, obvi.)  

Here are a few other items we wouldn't dare leave the house without:

-David Yurman cables

-Tiffany Notes Letter Pendant

-large pearl studs

-Kindle/iPhone/iPad/Blackberry

-our fave Kate Spade or Louis Vuitton bag

-Starbucks Gold Card 

Feel free to leave us a note about some beauty items you can't live without.  We will be happy to make room in our Vera Bradley makeup bags for them! 

Mexican Stand-Off

Well, that's it.  The Mexican Stand-Off 3 Putt and I were having is very, very over.  And we are very, very over.  This is what happens when you draw a line. Sometimes you both end up on the same side of the line.  Sometimes you compromise and stand on the line together.  And then at other times, each of you stands on one side (while each person feels they are on the "correct" side of the line) and no one wins.  I won't bore you with the sordid details (read: I don't want to talk about it) of (yet another) failed relationship--just know that I will accept nothing less than being the first and ultimate priority to my boyfriend/significant other/life partner/future husband.

I will, however, entertain you with information about Single Gal break-ups.

Let's talk about the good stuff:

1. The Break Up Diet--rejection/mutual partings leave a harsh taste in the mouth.  You have more time for the gym, your appetite disappears, and you magically lose 10 pounds (or hopefully more in my case).

2. Guilt Free Shopping--you are completely entitled to making ridiculous purchases for at least two weeks as part of your retail therapy to make yourself feel better.  

3. Break Up Music--it's completely understandable that when the UPS man delivers all your online shopping purchases he might find you singing any of the following at the top of your lungs while wandering around in your pajamas and drinking wine at 11:00 a.m.:

• "If I Were A Boy" -- Beyonce
• "No One is to Blame" -- Howard Jones
• "Impossible" -- Shontelle
• "Alone" -- Heart
• "Unbreak My Heart" -- Toni Braxton 
• Any and all Taylor Swift ballads
• 
  

4. If you want to stay in bed all day for a few weekends, that's totally your prerogative.  And you can do so free of judgement.  Or you can go out and get really intoxicated.  Either works.

A few other important things--immediately wash your sheets or any shirts that carry his scent; change his name in your phone to "Do Not Answer" or you will live to regret it; break up sex is a terrible idea; never, ever let him see he hurt you; and be the perfect picture of happiness if you accidentally run into him. 

Some days are harder than others. 

~the single gal~

Bag Lady

The Housewife and I have been having a lot of convos recently about our inability to leave the house with only our giant handbag in tow.  It's impossible.  It's either a night out or jetting off to work with my lunch, giant handbag, an armful of dry cleaning and a gym bag weighing me down. Lately, I have also been dealing with what is surely one of the most hated Single Gal tasks...


It's inevitable.  Whether hanging out with girlfriends or planning another long night of consuming adult bevs with your current most-favorite-beau and you know you won't be driving home, the typical Single Gal (SG) has a huge task to complete prior to embarking on these fun adventures.  You know the one I mean--you are only going for one freaking night but you don't know what you might need the next day in case you go to brunch or god forbid you have to get ready for work the next day.  It has to be done--the Shack Bag must be packed.  (All SG's have this cross to bear as no self-respecting SG wants to end up like Christina Aguilera leaving The Slammer in a bathrobe after a long night out.)

At a bare minimum any diligent SG will need the following for one night: shampoo, conditioner, body wash, shave gel, razor, face wash, moisturizer, night cream, hairspray, comb, hairbrush, hair dryer, hair gel/mousse/smoothing cream, contact solution/case, eyeglasses, 2 pairs of shoes, two possible outfits for the next day, change of undergarments, a curling iron, and your make-up bag.  Most of us know that these things will barely fit into a large Vera Bradley duffle (at least Vera gives us super cute options in a variety of prints so SG's can shack in style).

And, not only do you get to pack up all of your shit in said Shack Bag, you also get the joys of unpacking the Shack Bag the next day (as if SG's weren't already busy enough).

I will leave you with some general Shack Bag info:

-Cherish that astonished look most-favorite-beau will give you upon his first time seeing the Shack Bag in all its glory. He will initially think you misunderstood the plan and be very concerned you might be staying for at least a week.

-More often than not you will have at least two other outfits in the trunk of your car that don't make it in the door and are there on stand-by.  (Read: even more to unpack.)

-God forbid you accidentally leave something at most-favorite-beau's house.  Make no mistake--you will eventually leave something behind--how could you not when you have to bring so much to begin with?  

-The bright side of leaving something behind at most-favorite-beau's house is that it will promptly be back in your possession within 48 hours because whether you left your fave pair of sunglasses or a teeny tiny hair clip your current beau will be extremely concerned that you might need to use the item in question in the very near future.  (You know, because girls don't have entire drawers full of hair clips and pins at their houses and men most certainly do not freak out when you leave something in their space...that's just how nice they are.)

The biggest slap in the face of all? The only thing a man really needs to bring to a slumber party is a toothbrush.  (Everything else they might need is probably in their wallet.)

Love you. Mean it.

~the single gal~

Mrs. Bag Lady

How quickly things change and instead of a shack bag like the single gal, I have moved on to the diaper bag. This is a very important bag (as is the shack bag) and they have some surprisingly similar items. I'm great at packing a diaper bag.... the only problem is when I'm at home and need something I "occasionally" remove it from the diaper bag. (Lesson #243- don't remove stuff from the diaper bag because it won't be there next time you run out of the door.)

First up, a change of clothes. The "spare outfit." I actually encountered this today toting #1 into the gym with me, thinking we're all hot shit because she's so darn cute we're practically skipping down the hall to the locker room with glee. Then I discover she's clearly done her business in the car on the way over and it's there for the whole world to see because it's now all over her outfit- coming out of the sides and in the front. So much for trying to be Stepford.

I won't bore you with the standard necessities we all know you need; diapers, wipes, pacifier, Desitin, burp cloth/bib and toys. These are the equivalent of having to pack your makeup bag, blow dryer, lotion, shampoo/conditioner, and possibly a curling iron.

Size does matter. Do you know why? On top of having to make sure I'm out the door with #1's bag of McGuyver items, I also have to include things for the Turtle--namely snacks. The Turtle is strangely like the Hulk and turns into this ugly green monster once he's past a certain point and his "blood sugar is low." (I call BS on that one.) Nonetheless as the mother and wife I have to be prepared for Armageddon once we've left the safe confines of the household. I won't even get into the song-and-dance which involves finding the Turtle's wallet, sunglasses or car keys.

If you need me I'll be running around finding everything I took out of the diaper bag, Turtle's sunglasses, car keys and wallet. Good thing at least one of us puts everything in the same place. 

The Housewife

It's Here!

While S and I are busy working on some new material read this: http://matchbookmag.com/


New issue of Matchbook online mag is out for March.  This is a great magazine and TOTALLY FREE.  What could be better?

I am trying to re-group with my big change at work and find more balance (I know, a recurring theme in all my posts via tumblr).  I am making great progress this week! I know The Housewife will be glad finally call me when I am not cranky and completely stressed out from work.  I will leave you with my promises to work on something of substance with The Housewife soon since we suck at posting lately.

Love you. Mean it.

-The Single Gal-