Thursday, March 10, 2011

Mexican Stand-Off

Well, that's it.  The Mexican Stand-Off 3 Putt and I were having is very, very over.  And we are very, very over.  This is what happens when you draw a line. Sometimes you both end up on the same side of the line.  Sometimes you compromise and stand on the line together.  And then at other times, each of you stands on one side (while each person feels they are on the "correct" side of the line) and no one wins.  I won't bore you with the sordid details (read: I don't want to talk about it) of (yet another) failed relationship--just know that I will accept nothing less than being the first and ultimate priority to my boyfriend/significant other/life partner/future husband.

I will, however, entertain you with information about Single Gal break-ups.

Let's talk about the good stuff:

1. The Break Up Diet--rejection/mutual partings leave a harsh taste in the mouth.  You have more time for the gym, your appetite disappears, and you magically lose 10 pounds (or hopefully more in my case).

2. Guilt Free Shopping--you are completely entitled to making ridiculous purchases for at least two weeks as part of your retail therapy to make yourself feel better.  

3. Break Up Music--it's completely understandable that when the UPS man delivers all your online shopping purchases he might find you singing any of the following at the top of your lungs while wandering around in your pajamas and drinking wine at 11:00 a.m.:

  • "If I Were A Boy" -- Beyonce
  • "No One is to Blame" -- Howard Jones
  • "Impossible" -- Shontelle
  • "Alone" -- Heart
  • "Unbreak My Heart" -- Toni Braxton 
  • Any and all Taylor Swift ballads

4. If you want to stay in bed all day for a few weekends, that's totally your prerogative.  And you can do so free of judgement.  Or you can go out and get really intoxicated.  Either works.

A few other important things--immediately wash your sheets or any shirts that carry his scent; change his name in your phone to "Do Not Answer" or you will live to regret it; break up sex is a terrible idea; never, ever let him see he hurt you; and be the perfect picture of happiness if you accidentally run into him. 

Some days are harder than others. 

~the single gal~

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